


when i needed it in you

by ParanoidAndroid (HomesickAlien)



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-07 23:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21225734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomesickAlien/pseuds/ParanoidAndroid
Summary: there must be no such thing as a wasted moment in your life.





	when i needed it in you

The stars are especially beautiful just out of sight.

In the thin clouded skies that call the curtain to that other world, he can barely catch sight of their shimmer in the sky. Beneath the light patter of loose rain drops in the sky, more of a sprinkle than a storm that brings its ill wills. Though he can shade himself from that cold embrace beneath the overhead, still he reaches out his limp hand from the porch to catch the droplets as they fall aimlessly from the sky.

The droplets, the stars, even the clouds are so scattered out, without purpose, just like him. 

He’s become an adult without realizing, his birthday passing under the influence of his avatar. His memories of those times are still a blur of passing thoughts, overshadowed by Shiranui’s own memories, his own will that Kazumi has carried out. And though, all of that has come to pass, he can’t really tell. If he’s grown or not. If he’s changed, or not. If he’s made peace, or has he only come to be more bitter.

Something significant in him had changed that day. The first time he had ever held Shiranui’s hand, and the last. As he had let go of that warm embrace for what is better said to be eternity, something powerful had replaced the empty space Shiranui had left behind in him. 

He can talk to his brother any time he likes to, now. And his smile when they are together is more earnest than the prison sentence he’s been bearing all these years alone in the Onimaru household. He doesn’t lament with despair his place in the world, his position as their heir, with quite so much disdain as the time before he had given up on life.

That’s right. He wants to exist here, in this place. By his own means. With his own will. And in spite of that…

Kazumi raises his right hand towards the vastness of the sky. The wall between them is impenetrable, and yet still he offers to the dragon his touch. As if to say, even a million, billion years could pass on this Earth, and still the feeling would remain. His feelings for Shiranui, he’d never had a chance to share them earnestly. Blinded by the heavy burden of being alive, in all the time that had passed them, in that little blip of time that their two destinies could meet; Never once had the world slowed down enough, that Kazumi could say the words caught in his throat. Even now, reaching until the muscles in his arms ache, with the blood burning his head as he stares up at the sky, even still…

His voice will never be heard by the dragon, again. That miracle of life, that destiny of two fates intertwined, has been severed eternally. Without respects to any of their desires, it would seem life is always burdened to leave regrets. But those regrets are what brought them together, and now, it is their mutual atonement.

_ I’ll take care of him,  _ and;  _ For you, too… _

The air is suddenly feeling so cold, that the droplets from the sky strike like ice against his bare skin. This place, his hand, that once burned with his presence, with Shiranui’s very soul, is so terribly frigid now. It is without life, without meaning, and…

_ I’ll carve our future right here.  _ Kazumi thinks, grasping at the eternal nothingness with a clenched, determined fist.  _ For the you who is no longer here… _

There is someone still left on this planet he has to take care of. An irreplaceable presence that had once grounded him to this place. For Shiranui to have left this place, Kazumi rests this promise in his heart, that;  _ I won’t make the same mistake, again. _

Bringing down his hand, he rests his fingertips on his lips. A kiss, by any other name, all he has is this and the card in his pocket to be as one with him.  _ Our fates aren’t written in stone.  _ He wishes, with all his heart, that if Shiranui could share just one more thought with him, that it would be this.  _ Someday, again… When this purgatory burns off all our sins… _

He smiles, with his knuckles rested over his face. Closing his eyes, letting the whole world silently embrace him. His imagination is just as strong. He can see, in his mind, a promise in the distant future known only to them alone. Something to live for. Something to strive for.

He doesn’t have to keep living this empty life. The answer was always there, he realizes, but right now is the first time in his life he hasn’t been alone. 

_ Even though, you were always there… _

Shiranui is lost to him, returned to his home planet with his own destiny waiting for him to grasp. And in his place, a door has opened here on Earth, one that is so large, and so strong, only the might of a dragon could have pushed it open. And for the first time in his life, Kazumi is learning what it means to be loved. Finding his own reason to live. 

_ Maybe, my only purpose in life was to meet you. And now… _

When one fate is fulfilled, another comes to pass. Kazumi sits up, a warm look devouring his face with a positive image of a tomorrow, whether it comes or not. His back turned to that place, he’ll face Shiranui without fears when the time of their reunion comes. Until that time, all he can do is commit to penitence.

_ Because I’ve made many mistakes, too. But I am still alive. We are both still… _

He supposes, he can’t really say that with certainty, but still his heart believes only in this. Retrieving his avatar from his pocket, staring with such a deep longing to feel his embrace once again. He’s certain Shiranui is thinking of him, too, under these stars unchanging no matter the recesses of the galaxy. Running his delicate touch over this baseless cardboard, the image of their perfect, attainable future in sight…

_ Everyday.  _ Kazumi says, his words resonating the empty, dark yard space in the silent eve. “I’ll become stronger too. Little by little, day by day…”

_ Until the day I can forgive you, and we can try it again.  _

He doesn’t want to lose control of this life, again. Whether in pain or agony, or happiness and peace of mind… He doesn’t want to let go of this precious moment in time he can exist with all of them. With his only little brother. But, even in his scrambled memory, the dream he had had under Shiranui’s possession— It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t bad at all.

To share one another's memories once again, would in itself be something of a dream. A fantasy, that he could connect with another so deeply. So intimately beyond words, and only share a thought with the dragon. Even if it’s a stupid image, this is how Kazumi vows to keep living. 

When the world stops turning, they will meet once more. For a single moment, just before death departs them again, for everything Kazumi wishes to say, there is only one thing he can guarantee. 

_ Thank you.  _ He’ll say it a thousand times over, for this future he could only grasp under the dragon’s vicious spell.  _ Thank you, for everything.  _

Even if he cannot sleep the entirety of the night, his heart is finally easing. Tomorrow, too… 

_ I’ll be strong today, too. _

**Author's Note:**

> Comment please.


End file.
